Recap
I met you in the scorching heat of July. I was sweating in the Vegas sun when I started a conversation with you. I had no idea who you were, but I knew there was something about you and the impression you made. We continued to talk from that day on, becoming acquainted and talking well throughout the nights of summer. Once school started, our friendship only blossomed more from what it was. We saw each other everyday, giving one another hugs and spending some time together. I felt that we grew closer and we did. You were one of my closest friends and I, yours. We held nothing back, acting as ourselves around each other. Nothing was too awkward to discuss nor too upsetting to hear. We spoke as we wanted. I found myself starting to like you much more than I had originally, much more than I may have wished.
There were moments in our relationship when I doubted anything that could happen between us. You had your eyes set on another girl, one that you had been on and off with for many years. I guess I figured, one day, you would like me as much as I liked you. Finally, I knew that you did. I remember the date well, a perfect night after a long day of school and soccer that we met. The tension that was happening between us was obvious, but we ignored that, deciding to talk first. However, we did so while embracing each other, a change from the usual. It happened, and it could not have been a more perfect night.
We met up many times over the course of a month, enjoying ourselves. I never realized though how much more I was into whatever we had. I was always the one to ask you, to see you, and I cannot recall once that you had ever asked. You just agreed to whatever I wanted to make me happy, because, little did I know, you were still talking to your previous girlfriend. Finally, the time had come. We met, once more, but choosing to go a little further than usual. I had no intention to, but the opportunity presented itself in the heat of the moment. I feel that that is how most things come about though, in the heat of the moment. I was happy afterwards, as were you and things between us seemed normal.
Behind everything though, your true intentions lay. She finally told you that she wanted to be in a relationship again, that she liked you once more. You had one problem though, there was me. So you choose, the day after our last, to let me down. All I remember is crying.
Memory of then…
I remember the feel of the atmosphere when days were young and filled with laughter.
The outlook of the world was that it was small, but held wonders that we had yet to learn. The only experience we had of the world was of running through grass, the sweet smell of the dew resting upon it. The earth grew beneath us, with us, as we filled ourselves with the feel of the sun our skin absorbed, spreading a comforting warmth that enabled us to continue on our adventure of the day. Lessons in the classroom weren’t tedious and pointless, as most are today. Our learning piqued curiosity and allowed us to become open to using our imagination daily. We created beautiful thoughts of originality or sometimes the same common imaginary friend who kept us company. Even the moments we spent at home weren’t dragging. There was no internet to occupy our time as it does now. Instead, we could spend countless hours with our family, eating dinner together and sharing stories of the day. We just loved knowing that they were always with us when we were home.
I had the day to spend next to my mother, loving all the hugs and words of endearment she said towards me, and at night, when she was at work, I would watch action movies with my father, who let me sit next to him on his favorite recliner. When it came time for bed, I would lay there thinking of the great mysteries and excitement staying up late had to offer. Most nights, I would pretend that I had been asleep for what I thought was an hour, and crawl out of bed to explain how I couldn’t sleep so I should just join him and my sisters downstairs. Of course, I was always told to “go back to sleep,” and though I may have been disappointed then, I always thought that one day that excuse would work.
We, as children, always used to look forward to what the next day had to offer in our lives, excited to be outside or try as we might to stay up the next night. All I can say is that I miss the innocence of then.
November 12, 2011
I still can’t fathom the reason as to why I feel the way I do about you. There are times, moments throughout my day, everyday, when I think about you and I promise myself that I won’t talk to you, but it’s as soon as I feel your presence near me, as soon as I see you and we make eye contact, that those thoughts go away. I’m vulnerable at the sight of you.
I hate that.
I feel that I set myself up to be disappointed, because in the end, I can’t find the happiness that I once knew before.
your gaze, it lingers.
this moment, your sight.
surround me.
make your presence known,
will you not?
this moment, your sight.
a critic
that so heavily inspects,
what do you make of me?
surround me,
fill me with your judgments.
tell me all that I
Must know.
make your presence known,
familiarize yourself
with my every flaw.
Do you like what you see?
Will you not
take into consideration
I am not what I seem?
of course not.
that’s why
your gaze, it lingers.
The faces of the crowd,
so distinct.
So many emotions
written,
expressed
so clearly
throughout the
vicinity.
confusing
laughter and sadness
and happiness and
all.
I don’t really know about this poem, I wrote in in psychology class while looking at a photo.
does this make any sense?
Why can’t time freeze for once
and let us live a free moment
unhindered by the stress of the
ticking clock?
